Okay, before you say anything…yes I know I’m like 6 months late. BUT we’re not playing it scared in 2020. We’re showing up for ourselves, our businesses, our goals in ways we haven’t before, and going after everything we want! I’m choosing to not play it scared today by releasing this blog post I wrote 6 months ago.
Happy Birthday, Twenty!
Today officially marked one year of Twenty. I guess you can say I’ve been a “blogger” for over a year now, but boy, it certainly does not feel like it.
As I reflect on this past year, there’s no other way to describe it other than I failed.
What is supposed to be a happy day and a time to spend reflecting on all my accomplishments over the last year, all I can think is about how I failed and let everyone down. To be honest, I’ve been avoiding this day since July. I was hoping to find a way to just avoid this day all around but life doesn’t work that way. So here I am…
If you had told me last year this is what my one-year anniversary (or is it blogger-versary or blog-versary?) would look like, I would have laughed in your face and told you to take that negative energy elsewhere.
These past few months, I have felt embarrassed any time someone asked or even mentioned Twenty.
One of my friends introduced me as a blogger to a group of people a few months ago, and I was literally mortified. I felt as though I was far from worthy of that title because of my inconsistency. I immediately wanted to go run and hide because I did not want them inquiring about my mess of a blog.
To some, I may be being very negative but this is my truth. I’m all about transparency. I would not be myself if I only showed you the sunshine and rainbows, that’s not my life and that wouldn’t do you any good. I want to show you every aspect of my life – the good, the bad, and even ugly because my hope is that you’re inspired by my experiences, mistakes, and lessons. This is honestly how I’ve seen myself the past few months and I needed to get it off my chest.
In one year I was supposed to have some insane number of followers, record breaking engagement, multiple brand partnerships, the whole 9.
Instead, it’s been a year full of self-doubt, lack of discipline, months of inconsistency, and writer’s block (or is it content block, you know what I mean).
As much as I love Twenty, I must admit this is hard. I thought blogging would come naturally to me. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while, it’s been a long-term goal of mine so why wouldn’t this be easy for me? I couldn’t understand.
While I would and definitely could continue to sulk, that would do me no good at all. I can’t change the past but I can definitely control how year 2 looks. There have been days when I wondered if there would even be a year 2 but why wouldn’t there be?
Nothing worth it comes easy.
No struggle, no progress.
No pain, no gain.
You feel me or do I need to keep going?
Yes, I failed. I let myself, my family, my friends, and even you down. And for that, I apologize. Twenty is not just for me and I was selfish to just stop because of self-doubt and lack of discipline.
Although it may not seem like it and I’m still trying to convince myself, I’m excited for year 2 and all that is to come. This year will be the best one yet, I’m claiming it and speaking it into existence.
Often in life, our reality is far from our expectations. We think things will turn out one way and soon you’ll realize they are actually the total opposite. Guess what. THAT’S OKAY. It’s apart of the journey and I promise it’ll make for a great story later.
Have you started a project or working towards a goal recently and dropped the ball? Chin up sis, it’s okay. Dust the dirt off your shoulders and get back to it. The world needs your gift and by you holding it back, you’re holding someone else back. Someone needs you and they can’t receive your gift, if you never allow them to.
So here’s to accepting failures, but not letting them define us. Here’s to learning from them and moving on.
Why would you continue to sulk and feel down when you have the power to positively change the situation?
If you’re going through hell, keep going.Winston Churchill
Sidebar: I originally heard this quote through Steve Harvey and I love the part he added at the end. He said, “why would you stop in hell?”
Yes, we may fail BUT that doesn’t make us failures.
I know things may get tough, sis. I know we often put in work and don’t see the fruits of our labor as soon as we hope. Listen, I get it. But you can’t give up, keep pushing, sis. It’ll all pay off soon. Trust me. I’m in this with you.
Happy Birthday, Twenty. Thank you for always being my light at the end of a dark tunnel. I know I put you on the back burner for a while but I’m ready to get back into this thing full force. Here’s to a new year of posterity, discipline, productivity, and intentionality.
Forming, Wandering, & Slowly Becoming,